The Secret Life of Princess Running Water

My potential future home

2011-12-19T15:15:00.004+08:00

I never thought I would say this, but although I never want to leave my current cosy apartment unit; the one that I call home for more than 3.5 years now, I have to admit that this one looks pretty promising too.

It's interesting getting a new place to call home. A bigger one, pricier one, one with bigger space too. So much potential to accept the challenge and make the house into a home. A home that we who slog to pay for, will look forward to coming back to, a sanctuary to retreat to, a private place to concentrate on God while building a family, and the knowledge that in this house, we have ample space for another daughter or son. or both.

Yet at the same time, I'm also being such a pouty, sentimental brat who refuses to give up on familiar surroundings. "The only thing constant in life, is change". I'm a strong believer in that phrase, yet as always, it's easier said than done.

People won't get it cos my current place is only abt 800 sq.ft. Why aren't I eager to move into more spacious living arrangements? Mostly cos I love my little home to pieces. It's little enough for me to handle the cleaning on my own. I get the pool view from my yard where I prepare the family meals and I get the playground view from the balcony when I hang the laundry to dry. Many times when it was just me alone at home or me with my little baby then, I took solace lazing on the sofa watching TV or doing household chores with the TV on...the long naps in the bedroom after work during my pregnancy when all I did was sleep, the fish tank, the tuition lessons I gave, the trial and error meals I eagerly prepared to surprise my husband with, which he lavished much praises on...my little apartment brings such fond memories of peace and silence. It was a place where I got to watch the tree branches sway in the wind, listen to the birds sing, smell the rain as it was about to pour, watch other 'housewives' chatter and bring in their laundry when the clouds heave and the sky threatens to burst open. Be a part of that 'chatter' with the neighbours.

Not to forget, my peaceful little cosy apartment is also the place where I familiarised myself with and grew into the roles of wife first, and then mother. It was just me, the apartment and my husband. When he was at work, and back when I used to come home early, it was scheming time on housechores and meal planning. That was when I grew into the "Wife" term of endearment, just me and that peaceful house of mine. Then when I became "Mother" to a newborn, for many moons it was just me and my little dependant angel while my husband went off to work. Twas' then when I bonded with my child and the love between mother and child blossomed into the fierce attachment that it is now.

But it was not all good. Many times, as with life, there are also thunderstorms as life is not all sunshine and rainbows. The disappointing repetitive news we had to endure regarding my losses-the lives, the jobs, devastating... So many sad stories that crushed my spirit, broke me down entirely, yet still I took solace in that apatment unit. Time heals all things they say. The house was a cocoon for me to hide in. There; I've broken down, survived day by little day, my spirit healed and I returned to walk into reality bit by independent bit. Oh, the memories that unit gave. Come to think of it, it offered me a refuge but there I experienced a lot of anguish and grief, too.

Breaking up is so hard to do. Yet, sometimes it is vital. I guess it's normal to feel this way towards the first place you make your home, the first real place that you own and come home to everyday. A place where you own the keys that unlock the grills which let you in.

But "Hope is a thing with feathers". Perhaps it would be good indeed to look forward to the promise of better times, joyful moments and happier news in this new "home-to-be" which has been so graciously entrusted upon us. "Out with the old and in with the new". This house is eagerly awaiting for my family to transform it into a real family home with much laughter, aspirations and good strong values that it once was. How timely it is that 2011 is closing upon us. As we look forward to the new year, I suppose it wouldn't hurt for me to give this promising little 'cottage' a chance to grow upon us all.

I'm 30 and I Know It.

2011-12-10T05:05:00.005+08:00

Wow. Last post dates sometime in May, that's 7 months for you!I so need to get back into the swing of things at my blog-o-sphere but to take the short way out...I just copy pasted what I wrote in an email to a friend prior..heh.. -.-

"With regards to my job, I'm so loving it. Everyday I'm having a ball at work and to top it up, I have awesome colleagues..well, at least I count myself lucky enough to have made acquaintances with these awesome colleagues...many of whom are guys and we talk abt girls like ALL THE TIME. LOL huh? I guess it's not a surprise...me and guys...we go out at lunch breaks; sometimes 2 guys, sometimes 4, 6....only playing time til someone starts calling me the office bitch. and this I get at 30, married and with a kid nonetheless. Heh. Nevertheless, my darling husband is aware of this and lets me off with a stern "So long as you know your boundaries" (index-finger-wagging-peering-thru-the-glasses-look)

But seriously am loving it. and yes, I love working with words as oppose to working with figures back when I was attached to banks. pfffffffffffffffffft......! even it the words are abt dry tax stuff...hey, they're still words! :P

Oh ya, what do I work as? "Hello. I'm a Sub Editor. I edit print and web commentaries, newsletters and loose leaf update sheets for our Australian Tax Editors who are based in our Sydney office". (It sounds pretty impressive, eh? Just realised the coolness factor today...*ahem* :P)

My birthday was da' bomb this year too! I wonder if you can recall my cousin sister by the name of Josephine who lived with my family....hmmm....well,she's all grown up and pregnant. On my birthday morning, I went with her and we found out the baby's gender on ultrasound. What an awesome way to start a birthday! Then had a small lunch treat with my family members, after which Darla, Darry and myself went home to catch a nap. And that evening, I went to a Pitbull concert where it rained so hard, I could literally squeeze the water out of my hair, dress, handbag! (pffffft....Let It Rain Over Me.REALLY, Pitbull?) The concert had to be postpone for an hour and a half and then Pitbull came and rocked the place. Took a shower at 2am-ish cause got drenched in the rain, slept at 3.30am-ish and woke up at 5.30am for work! My 30th birthday sooooo rocked!

We're getting Monday off as a Public Holiday here this week. It's just good timing for xmas and all. so that we can go troll the malls, hunt for pressies, soak in the tunes, put up the tree....so looking forward to it but imma just hoping I'd get everything done before Monday ends. Plus Darry and I are looking for a house and we already have a soft spot for this old corner house...gonna view it for the 2nd time in the morning and maybe talk terms...wish us luck!

So yeah, I'm so looking fwd to living my 30s! :-)"

Back To The Real World

2011-05-15T03:05:00.003+08:00

After taking a 3 month hiatus from the work scene, I am scheduled to join the rat race once again this Monday. To be honest, I do re-join it with much trepidation and mixed feelings. Just when I have started to settle down into the routine of a full time mum cum housewife cum tuition teacher, the excitement (and adventure) begins again. Who said life is boring needs to be kidnapped, have a sack thrown over his/her head and rolled down a hill. L.O.L.

Makes me realise how life is ever changing, never stagnant, never can it be just 'expected'. Sure my life is not one where I am served on a silver platter but I am loving it nonetheless. Before every rainbow comes the rain. I have learnt so much in this short time that I have been here on earth. Most importantly, I have learnt to never give up on life no matter what the deal. Always march on soldier. I have been dealt with so many episodes where joy intertwines with despair. Countless. Let's see...love vs objection. Freedom vs heartache. Conception vs miscarriage. Happiness vs termination. These are just off the tip of my mind to name a few. One thing I've learnt is to never give up in life because the universe never gives up on us.

Anyway, I have most certainly digressed. On the subject of returning to work, given a chance, I would rather not. But th chance is not for me to choose right now. I believe we create our own destinies. But sometimes, we are not in the position to decide and this is one such position. Hence, my re-emergence from 'early retirement'. I must say that I am blessed for the very fact that I was given the allowance by God to actually take time off to give 100% maternal care to my young one and still He provides me with a job to return to. For this I thank thee God. I am forever grateful. (Must start praying that the employer will allow me a couple of months leave -unpaid nonetheless- for when I conceive my second child.

Children are precious gifts from God. I so agree with that statement. A wise person once coined the statement "There is only one beautiful child in this world and every mother has it". Nuff said.

Oh ya, before I forget; below are a number of points as to why I'm returning to work. (I had to do this to serve as a reminder for the times when the spirit is weak in future). So here goes my reasons; as logical as possible at 3 in the morning!

1. so that I can afford the creature comforts that I require to function as human-ly as possible.
2. to be able to afford the mini luxuries from time to time that I am accustomed to (i.e. the manicure/ facial/ local travel)
3. to be able to buy for my child whatever I want, whenever I want.
4. to acquire better livinghood for my family (i.e. hint*house)
5. to help my husband with the financial needs of bringing up family.
6. to contribute to my child(ren)'s savings.
7. to be able to afford more than 1 child.
8. to be a role-model to my child(ren) with regard to working mothers.
9. to push myself so that I don't fall into the complacency trap.
10. to entertain myself with a life outside of looking after the needs of my
child(ren).

Yup, 10 reasons should do it for now...WISH ME LUCK, FOLKS! ^_^ Life is only just beginning!

options, choices, dilemmas

2011-03-15T00:44:00.002+08:00

Life has been nothing but complicating and challenging this year. First, it was 'To work or not to work?' and the answer was an easy one. Not to work. Take a breather for a month, then return back to the scene.

A month has come and now it's the second month. I've sent in application after application and I've been getting interview calls after interview calls. But guess what? I've been turning them down mostly. It's such a 'high' to be called in for an interview. But then the night before (like tonight), baby gives a helluva lot of trouble and I know in my heart of hearts that I just won't be able to cope.

Don't get me wrong, mind you. I started out with genuine intentions. My brain is fucked bored at home.

But when in doubt, baby is my biggest, most priceless gift. A gift from God. A gift from the Universe. It all boils down to baby defining my reason for living, mind you. *SIGH*

That's why I need to blog. It helps me clear my perspective when I put things in words. Always did. Always will. It all seems so clear to me now. I was and am in the process of acquiring a job that has a vacant position in September 2011. Baby would be a year old then. Perfect right? Then why am I looking at other jobs, pray tell? Why? I have been 'offered' the 'perfect' job then why am I still hunting?

Let me tell you why. It's because the other options come with a position I never thought I would be eligible for and a promise of a handsome salary. It's like being tempted by the devil when you have what you need in the clutch of your hand. pfffffffffffftttttttttttttttttttttttt!~

A Teacher I Must Be

2011-02-12T01:07:00.004+08:00

A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet, no?

Teaching is my life and education is my game. I may manipulate the game as much as I want to but I can't run away from the fact that I was born to be a teacher.

Nothing, and believe me, no other occupation gives me as much joy and contentment as knowing that I walked into a class and managed to capture the attention span of a vivacious group of boisterous students. Nothing makes me feel as utterly and completely satisfied as seeing students being interested in my lesson enough that they want to learn more, that it brings out the questions in them and gets them speaking in class. Nothing fills my heart with intense satisfaction as seeing a student putting to use what was being taught like new vocabulary, for instance.

A teacher in my heart I am and a teacher is what I will always be. No other field could delight me and justify the hours invested in return for the salary earned as that of the job which bears the title TEACHER.

I miss the feeling of being in charge of a classroom. I miss the mere setting of a classroom. I miss the undisciplined students for honestly, it's really just their hormone that makes them the way they are. I miss inspiring, teaching and changing the mindsets of young adults. In other words, I just miss being a teacher in the confinements of a classroom. There's no place like home (or so they say).

Teaching - the gift and privilege of imparting knowledge. The most noble job of all time.

The Grass is Always Greener...

2011-02-08T00:48:00.004+08:00

Wanting to be somewhere other than where one actually is. This is the human condition, is it not?

Masalahnya, karier ku menemui ajal yang awal, boleh dikatakan satu tempoh 'glorious' yang 'premature' sekali. Malangnya. Malang sekali kerana di situ lah satu-satunya tempat di mana aku mencurah hati dan tenaga ku. Di situlah aku berasa sungguh selesa dan produktif sehingga sanggup ku berbakti sehingga ke hari persaraan ku. Malang sekali, aku tidak dialu-alukan dan perkhidmatan ku tidak diperlukan lagi.

Hence, the dilemma I am so rudely thrust into. To work or not to work. That is the question. It's tough not working when all I did was work one job after another for the past 6 years. The strange thing is I spent 4 of those years job hopping from one industry to another hoping to find a field that I was comfortable with. And the last 2 years was spent at a place that felt like home to me. I spent the first 4 years kicking off the companies I was hired into and the one that I felt belonged, ended up being the one that shirked me off.

Life is so unexpected. One day (strike that). One morning you're on the height of happiness. You have a newborn and it's your first day back at work. You're so happy to be back after almost 4 months of maternity related leave. Then by lunch break, the world as you know it comes crashing down at your feet.

I miss being in a classroom so much. But when I was given a 2nd chance, everything else was not right. It was like a case of right place, wrong time. I was exhausted and the monsters were driving me up the wall. So I opted out. I lasted a month. 1 month! I astound myself sometimes. I keep making new records all the time.

So now I am at home. Fun as it is, I get to spend ALL my time with my baby. It's really awesome. I am there for her EVERY moment. Her EVERY cry, EVERY chuckle. It's fantabulous I tell you.

But flip the coin and it's also strange. It's odd being home alone with your baby for when she sleeps, I feel so alone in this world. I feel redundant too sometimes for I am capable and well equipped to be working and being productive. Plus I miss my oh-so-familiar classroom settings. I miss being Teacher in charged of her chargers, using my Teacher voice and trying to make the class want to learn what I'm trying to teach. I miss trying to be creative and interesting. I miss setting exams and test papers which force them to study.

But being at work makes me miss my baby cos even if she cries, she'll be crying in MY arms. And I can't tell you how right that feels, but it does. Nothing else feels right. I want to baby my babies. Be there for them all the time. Every time. But I also want to be productive and make money with my life. I miss working for my money. I miss getting a salary deposited into my salary account at the end of the month. I miss having money to spend as I wish.

But then I'd feel guilty of not being a mommy. And I'd feel guilty of not cooking dinner for my husband. And I'd feel guilty for having a dirty house-i.e. the dusty floor, the un-ironed clothes, the unwashed dishes in the sink.

A friend once questioned: Why do women have to feel so damn guilty all the time? I feel for you babe. We feel guilty when we work (for neglecting home and family) then we feel guilty when we quit the work scene (for not making use of our skills and not making money which goes towards the home and family).

Life is a sad, twisted bitch ain't it. Just when you think you've attained some kind of earthly nirvana, it goes and scrambles all yer eggs for you and brings you back to ground zero. ZERO. That's how I feel inside right now. ZERO. Cos I've attained nothing. I've nothing to show for.

Ok, here goes nothing. I love HHHS - my home for the past 2 years! -the place I worked at when I carried my first successful pregnancy to full term. HHHS - you will ALWAYS have a place in my heart. :)

First pondering post of 2011

2011-01-19T15:03:00.005+08:00

The first post of 2011. Why do things happen so fast lately? Ever since I became a mum, it seems that everything occurs at lightning speed. Sure the days are long and tiring but I would gladly say that they are the most fulfilling and productive days that I have ever experienced in all my life. Work and money is so insignificant now. I guess you can say that I'm living each moment. Some days I wake up at 2am for baby's feed and end up sleeping at 4am after washing clothes, ironing or like last night; sweeping and mopping the apartment. Thank God that I live in an apartment and not a mansion (read SPACE)or I would never ever sleep with the amount of things that needs doing in a day!

Life can be a repetition of itself but never is it mundane nowadays because there is always something that needs to be done; like in-between midnight feeds, household chores, my day job, meals to think about and of course other 'baby' needs to see to.

Everyday I try so hard to be a kick-butt mum. Everyday I give 100% of myself. 100% at work. 100% off work. Sure, it isn't easy but I never realized how talented I am at being productive! When I really give it my all, I find that I can mark books, get the most horrid class to behave (biggest achievement as of late), cook up something for dinner and still have time to buy cut stalks of flowers for the dinner table! Not to forget the midnight chore of sweeping and mopping which I accomplished last night. And I'm not even tired eventhough I had about 4 hours of sleep. Sometimes we never know our true limits until we push ourselves.

Oh, plus I even managed to sneak in time to upload pics on fb, chat with friends and read the daily paper online. Now I truly understand the saying that even the President of the USA has the same 24 hours as you and me. Basically, it's about how we micro-manage and fit things into that 24 hours that matters most.

But at this point, 90% of me is just thinking of giving the work scene a break cos I wanna spread my wings and fly. I dream a dream and I owe it to myself to at least try it out, don't I? But then again, there's always a 'Then Again...' isn't there? Fav' phrase at the mo; Que Sera Sera...........have a good year ahead, folks!:)

"Some men see things as they are and ask why. I dream things that never were and ask why not" ~George Bernard Shaw

A Day Well Spent

2010-12-12T01:50:00.008+08:00

What an awesome day it's been today-Saturday, 11/12/10. I just love super-busy-super-crazee days. Even before baby was born (ESPECIALLY before baby was born), my Sundays in particular, were always on-the-run sort of days. From mass, to breakfast with the in-laws to choir practices to dinner with my side of the family to shopping and what have you not all rolled into one just trying to get the most of my Sundays before Mondays rolled back in.

Today started off with a Reunion lunch with schoolmates whom I haven't met in 12 years! Yup, that's how long ago it was! A pity that some close friends didnt make it but I had no regrets in going at all. Met many whom I just knew as acquaintances and yet, the conversations just flew. Many are married, many still single and a handful come with extra baggage now-KiDz! The topics varied but oft the ones with KidZ kept returning to topics liks delivery experiences, breastfeeling, parental disciplining and such; which managed to chase the single ones away from our table (one of whom kept returning but most were all too happy to have escaped) :)

Sadly, it all ended too soon for me as I had to rush off to prepare baby for Part 1 of her Baptism. We were supposed to meet the priest at 5pm and I reached home at 4pm. Time was of essence as I had to express breast milk, bathe baby, get her dressed, feed her and get myself ready in 1 hour! IMPOSSIBLE right? Somehow, I did it, I don't know how but I did. We even managed to reach the church before 5pm and didn't make anyone wait for us. Baby, being the Diva that she is, refused to drink milk while we were speeding to church but instead, insisted on drinking in the presence of the priest, who had to wait for her to have her fill before starting the ceremony proper. And then, having had her fill, she slept throughout the ceremony! DIVA true and true!

The best part of the day, however, was...DRUMROLL>>>>>>>>>>>> when my Mum-in-Law (MIL) praised me for doing my job so well as a mother! :)) She said that she noticed it the little time that she did come over to my parents' place (where I'm temporarily residing) and in the disposition of my baby girl. She says it shows through the child. She said even my Dad-in-Law (DIL) praises me for doing everything so well as a first time mum. She said that it's as if I was born to do this and that it comes so natural to me. She said it didn't even come as natural to her when she was a first time mum or to her daughter, who has 4 kids now. I think I must have been genuinely blushing when we had that conversation over teh tarik and thosai :*}

This compliment really MADE my day for DAYS! :) Being a first time mum is no easy matter. Of course, I have faltered, cried and even went into a depressive phase. But today, her praises lifted me up so high as if none of the negativities mattered. Oh, to be recognised AND PRAISED by your Parents-in-Law!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Surely, there can be no higher level of praise and satisfaction than that! :))

But seriously, I so seldom receive praises. And I think everyone should be praised more often. It's free, it boosts the spirit and it improves the giver and receiver's relationship by leaps and bounds.

That night, I had a great reminiscing moment as the next morning was baby's Baptism Part 2. Getting a baby was no easy feat and to have baby going for her baptism...WOW, it's a milestone I tell you! I received my sacrament of baptism when I was 15 years old after I prodded my family to. Here I am standing as a Catholic, doing the correct thing and getting my baby baptised at 2.5 months actually makes me proud of myself.

1 White dress > CHECKED
1 White garment > CHECKED
1 Candle > CHECKED
1 Name tag > CHECKED
1 Baby > CHECKED

Since I didn't have the words to blog for baby's Baptism, here are some pics of the ceremony

Check out her lovely bonnet and christening gown!

The proud and happy beaming parents

The extended family (grandparents on both sides and even a great-grandmother)

A new soul is born

During the ceremony:
Baby, Priest, oil of chrism, baptismal water, candle burning bright, white garment, Godparents, loved ones > CHECKED! CHECKED! CHECKED!

We did it! We pulled it off! Hi-5 Daddy & Congratulations on your second birth, Darla Anne. You're a full fledged Catholic now. Welcome to the Catholic family. As Joy is the theme of this Advent week, so may JOY be a part of your daily life. May you grow in simplicity, humility, warmth and love. And may you forever be God-fearing; walking in the light of God and respectful towards all of humanity regardless of creed, physical outlook, race and religion. With lots of love, from Mama & Daddy.

Random thoughts upon turning tuttttt :)

2010-12-02T00:48:00.005+08:00

Birthday come. Birthday gone. Why do I feel like eating omelette now?

Boss must've read my last post because I got axed.

Should I wait til baby turns 6 months old before returning to work?

Or would it be too late to return?

How blessed can one get? How perfect can we allow our lives to be before it chips off somewhere?

On the surface, people would say I have the perfect life. But if only they know...if only they know...

Let's see...I want more money so I don't have to work no more.
I want my firstborn to wean off my breasts darn it.
I want to be able to buy a house.
I want my husband to stop snoring.
I want 4 children.
I want to see my angel babies.
I want my job back.
I want a smooth year next year dammit.

I have health.
I have some extra coins in my pocket.
I have a place to call home.
I have a car to give me wings.
I have a husband who's always there for me.
I've got food when I'm hungry.
I've got fish swimming in my tank.
I've got a baby sleeping on my lap.

Hey, did you hear me? I've got a BABY sleeping on my lap!

Happy birthday girl. This time next year, someone's gonna be calling you MAMA! :)

FULLY PAID 4 MONTHS LEAVE!

2010-11-24T01:19:00.003+08:00

FULLY PAID 4 MONTHS LEAVE! HOW AWESOME IS THAT????

Sept: 1 week school holidays and the rest I maxed out my MCs and Emergency Leave
Oct : Maternity leave (1st month)
Nov : Maternity leave (2nd month)
Dec : School holidays

Feels so good to stay home, do nothing work related and at the end of the month, see $$$ in my bank account. HO! HO! HO! Christmas came early ^.^

P/S: Did I mention I also get bonus at the end of Dec? MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Cute pics

2010-11-21T02:29:00.004+08:00

Hoi! What are you looking at? You don't wanna mess with me, ok!

Those were the days when a handkerchief can be doubly used as a baby blanket

Baby's milk, Mama's milk. Baby's diaper, Mama's diaper.

A mother-daughter promise: You will never walk alone.

Before I began my journey in life, I rested my feet in my mother's palms.

Success!

2010-11-17T00:52:00.006+08:00

Baby has started sleeping earlier and easier too. Bedtime routine established, me think!

Well, I start to wipe her down at 9.30pm. This she so loves-complete with smiles and all! Then massage baby bedtime lotion all over her from head to tiny toes. A little menthol goes on her tummy, chest and back. Next, a change of clothes and diaper. By then, she's hungry for a feed and before long, she starts begging to be put to bed! She's out by 11pm and she wakes up once or twice throughout the night. No more 1.30-2.30am bedtime. Hooray!

I love your natural spiky mohawk hair, your unshappened brows, your outward curving forehead, your beauriful, big eyes, your button nose, the downy hair on your ears, your upside down U-shaped mouth, the birthmark on your back, the lines on your hands and legs, the baby muscles on your thighs and your cute little pair of feet.

Sssssshhhh.....I'm here, Sayang. Mama sayang baby. Mama's here. Mama's next to you.

I love you, baby!

Establishing baby's bedtime

2010-11-12T02:22:00.009+08:00

How do I transform baby from left to right?

Night time brings angst to many women when they have to put their babies to bed. Pierced screaming and tears are the worst fears. Teach the baby good sleeping habits.

For the first few weeks of a baby's life, she will wake frequently at night for feeds. It would be unrealistic to expect a newborn to sleep long stretches at night without waking up. Expect interrupted sleep for the first few months of baby's life. It is recommended that a newborn feeds every three hours. (That means the friends who say their kiddos sleep thru the nite at 1 month old are lying thru their teeth?)

Baby Sleeping: Teaching Baby Good Sleeping Habits http://www.suite101.com/content/sleep-training-a183462#ixzz1502G2QvE

My lil' Princess Tiger Lily is all of 6 weeks and a few days old. She still has her daylight and night time all mixed up. She's in deep sleep mode during the day-no matter how she is carried, how much noise, etc; she just sleeps through it all. Then come 10-11pm and she's all bright-eyed and generous with her smiles. She has a feed at 11-ish but only goes into sleep mode at 1 or 2am! And this is taking a toll on her mom. Dad agrees to put her to sleep for the night as long as it is in the 11th hour. Anything beyond and he says he has to work the next day so mom is not relieved of this duty. (and round the clock as it goes 'tick-tock-tick-tock', sunrise, noon, evening, night, twilight. repeat. damn).

And so, like everything else I need answers to, I turn to the trusty Internet (it's now 2.35am btw and I should be using this time for my assignment but then again....NOT). Internet, good old 'westernized' articles say to establish a bedtime routine to help baby establish proper bedtime. Apparently, them ang mohs set their babies down ideally by 7pm (I suppose cos they sleep early too). Over here in Malaysia land, adults generally sleep at 12-ish. So, yes, I, too, am going to try and establish some routine for baby. Generally, the idea is to start the process from 9pm and have her down by 10.30pm. This is the routine that I have come up with. Hope it works!

1. Take her into room, wipe her down and massage her with some baby

lavender lotion.

2. Change her into her pjs (turn on the air-cond)

3. Lay her on the bed and share some together time (chats, kisses, hugs)

4. Give her some alone time to use up her energy

5. Check diaper if it needs changing

6. Nurse her, patting her hair and forehead

7. Put her in her baby cot, hold her hand as she self-sleeps*

* Should no.7 fail, carry her, sing and rock her to sleep.

Will try to follow this procedure check list religiously starting from tomorrow; Friday 12th November 2010 (the start of her 7th week)

Good luck to moi!

How Breastfeeding Benefits Add Up

2010-11-09T17:32:00.003+08:00

Stumbled upon this which put my guilt to rest (for now, at least) cos it says babies benefit from even a few days of nursing. Well, at least I would qualify as a half-cut mother then... Am posting this here for my future reference really...

http://www.pregnancy.org/article/how-breastfeeding-benefits-add

How Breastfeeding Benefits Add Up

by Nancy Mohrbacher, IBCLC

How long should you breastfeed your baby? Only you and your baby will know for sure. Even if you breastfeed for just a few days, your baby will receive invaluable protection from infection. The health effects of breastfeeding accrue over time, so the longer you breastfeed, the better for your baby. Breastfeeding offers you benefits, too. The following information may help you decide:

If your baby nurses for a few days, he will receive colostrum, the first milk. Called "nature's vaccine for the newborn," colostrum has a high concentration of antibodies, some of which babies cannot get any other way. Through these antibodies, each mother provides her baby with protection from illnesses she has had as well as illnesses she is exposed to in their environment for as long as she is breastfeeding. Although formulas are continuously being modified to be "most like mother's milk," they will always fall short, because human milk is a living fluid and it is these living properties that enhance the functioning of a baby's immune system. Colostrum is also easier to digest than the proteins in formula and is designed to meet baby's nutritional needs.
You will also benefit from these early breastfeeding days. Breastfeeding helps a mother's body recover more quickly from childbirth by releasing hormones that contract the uterus and prevent excess bleeding. Breastfeeding is also a wonderful way to bring mother and baby closer while they're getting to know each other.
If your baby nurses for four to six weeks, your milk will ease your baby through the most critical part of infancy. As a mother's milk changes from colostrum to a thinner, more mature and plentiful milk, it continues to contain protective antibodies. That is why breastfed newborns are less likely to become sick when an illness is being passed among family members and have fewer digestive and respiratory problems. Breastfed babies are rarely sick or hospitalized and studies have found that pneumonia and meningitis, for example, are at least four times less common among North American breastfeeding babies under six-months than among their formula-feeding counterparts. Breastfed babies are also less likely to suffer from bronchitis and wheezing and less likely to die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).
Breastfeeding guarantees lots of holding and touching. The "mothering hormone," prolactin, is produced every time you nurse, relaxing you and helping you and your baby form a special bond. One study showed that at one monthone-month breastfeeding mothers were less anxious and felt closer to their babies.
Breastfeeding saves money. Powdered, liquid concentrate, and ready-to-feed formulas vary in price, and depending on how much of each is used, breastfeeding for one month may save between $75 and $180, not counting bottles, artificial nipples, and other feeding paraphernalia. Special formulas for allergic babies cost at least two to three time more than regular formula.
If your baby nurses for three to four months, he will be much less likely to develop ear infections. A recent study found that babies exclusively breastfed for at least four months develop half the ear infections of babies on formula.
Breastfeeding makes it easier for mothers to shed the extra pounds put on during pregnancy, and naturally mobilizes fat stores, even fat accumulated before pregnancy. In one study, breastfeeding mothers lost more weight when their babies were three to six months old than formula feeding mothers consuming fewer calories.
You will find that breastfeeding simplifies life with a baby, no matter what his age. Time isn't diverted to the preparation of formula, and you can leave home without bringing bottles. Human milk does not stain, is not constipating, and a breastfed baby's bowel movements have less odor, making diaper changes more pleasant and baby sweeter smelling. Nighttime feedings are also easier. If your baby is kept close at night, you may not even have to get out of bed to feed him. Just tuck him in next to you and both of you can drift back to sleep while he nurses.
By four months, the family of the exclusively breastfed baby will save formula costs of between $300 and $720.
If your baby nurses for six months, she will be much less likely to suffer from allergies, especially if she has been exclusively breastfed. Also, components in human milk protect the digestive tract from foreign proteins, which could cause allergic reactions. At about six months, a baby's system begins producing special antibodies that take over this function, reducing the possibility of food allergies. When there is a history of allergies in the family, it is recommended to wait until this time to introduce solids, so food allergies are less likely to develop. Human milk supplies all the nutrients a baby needs for the first six months of her life.
Breastfeeding for at least six months also provides other long-term health benefits. Research has found that immunizations are more effective in breastfeeding babies and that nursing at least six months reduces the risk of childhood cancers.
Breastfeeding provides reliable protection against pregnancy during the first six months when there is no menstrual bleeding, even among women who give occasional supplements. However, when a baby is breastfed without supplements or solids and the mother has no menstrual bleeding, breastfeeding offers 98% protection against pregnancy during the first six months.
At six months, the family of the exclusively breastfed baby will save formula costs of between $450 and $1080.
If your baby nurses for nine months, you will see him through the fastest and most important development of his life on the most valuable of foods, your milk. A baby's brain grows most rapidly from birth to nine months, and preliminary research has found that properties in human milk may be critical for babies to reach their full intellectual potential. This study followed children up to the age of eight and found that children who were breastfed had IQs on average eight points higher than those who received only formula. The more human milk received, the greater the difference. Because the milk of each species varies according to its need and it is our intelligence that sets us apart from other mammals, this is not so surprising. Rabbit milk is high in protein because baby rabbits need to run quickly. Seal milk is high in fat because baby seals need a thick layer of fat to protect them from the cold. Cow's milk is high in calcium because baby cows need strong bones to stand and walk. So it makes perfect sense that something in human milk promotes brain growth and intelligence.
Although the health benefits of breastfeeding continue as baby grows, the emotional benefits of nursing for comfort and security become more evident around this age.
A practical advantage to you is that many babies this age can go directly to the cup without ever needing bottles.
If your baby nurses for a year, you will have saved enough money to buy a major appliance. Your baby is now ready to try a whole range of new foods. This year of nursing has given your child a stronger immune system and many health benefits that will last a lifetime. Studies have shown that breastfeeding offers protection from Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis in adulthood, as well as Hodgkin's disease and certain chronic liver diseases. Individuals who were breastfed were also less likely to develop insulin-dependent diabetes. Breastfeeding also encourages proper facial development and makes it less likely that speech therapy and orthodontia will be needed later on. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends nursing for at least a year to ensure the best possible nutrition and health for your baby.
If your baby nurses for longer than a year, you will continue to provide the highest quality nutrition and superb protection against illness at a time when infections are common. One study found that the immunological components of human milk that protect a baby from illness during the first year continue to be present in the same concentrations throughout the second year of breastfeeding. Former Surgeon General Antonia Novello has said, "It is the lucky baby...who continues to nurse until he's two."
You will enjoy health benefits from extended nursing, too. Studies have found that the longer a woman breastfeeds over her lifetime, the lower her risk of breast cancer.
Mothers who breastfeed past a year often talk of the emotional benefits gained: the comfort and security it gives their little ones, the ease it brings to naptimes and bedtimes, and the opportunities it offers to relax and tune in to each other during a hectic day.

Motherhood = Breastfeeding?

2010-11-09T01:01:00.004+08:00

The mother in the picture still looks plump from her pregnancy and tired from breastfeeding but she still does it. Would I be a bad mother if I stopped?

As I've mentioned in my previous post, it was such joy to see my babe down a whole 2 oz of milk from a feeding bottle. But at the same time, I have such mixed feelings about it.

Training her to feed from a bottle is necessary because I will return to work before she turns 4 months and I don't intend to express milk once at work. On top of that, by drinking from a bottle, I can ensure that she gets her required amount for her age as I am unable to estimate how much she gets from the breast. Furthermore, she falls asleep while nursing and therefore, wakes up almost too frequently for more feeds, given the fact that she's not full, obviously.

She has been exclusively breastfed for the first 1.5 months of her life. The plan is to start introducing her to formula milk at this stage as I will have to report to work for 7 days at the end of this month. I can't bring myself to use the pump cos I detest it. The pump and I didn't get off to a good start and it just makes me feel like an animal! Hence, no pumps for me. Period.

But see how jumbled up my thoughts are? I'm all over the place!

Bottomline is; I'm glad she has taken to the artificial nipple because for one, it would spell my freedom. Once she goes on formula milk, I would be free to resume a somewhat watered down version of my old life and go out for dinners, shopping, movies as someone else watches over baby. I would have a baby AND a life.

However, no matter how tiresome breastfeeding it, one can't deny that it does form a bond between mother and child. A baby nursing at the breast while staring focused at your face...how can that not form a bond? A mother being the sole lifeline, how can the mother not be proud of that? That love which flows from mother to child in the form of milk, food of sustenance as both bodies maintain physical contact, how can that not form the greatest bond of all?

Will bottle feeding her on formula milk; on cows milk that has been broken down and altered in laboratories and factories erase or break that mother-child bond?

Will the cow be able to give her the very best? Will my baby grow healthily while bottle feeding on cow's milk? Some may answer 'Yes'; afterall, yours truly, her own mum, is the product of bottle fed cow's milk. But will that give my conscience a rest?

Having a job that requires me to face tens of people each day requires me to stop breastfeeding to ensure that I do not have any 'unforeseen incidents'. Yet at the same time, I feel so guilty that I have to break the chain which nature intended.

Is 1.5 months on exclusive breastmilk sufficient to leave a mark on her health and well-being?

As much as I want my freedom, it also feels rather gloomy that she won't be 100% dependent on me once she goes on formula. I must say that it is nice feeling so needed, it is nice to have another being (a mini-me, if you must) relying solely on me for sustenance and survival. I'm proud to say that I kept her alive and growing for the past 1.5 months.

Am I a bad mother for taking her off breastmilk and transiting her to formula? How do other mothers deal with this issue? Do they go through as much thought and guilt as I do?

Will she love me less?

Defining motherhood

2010-11-08T23:48:00.003+08:00

"How's motherhood treating you?" That's what I've been asked A LOT lately. And my answer to date has been "BACKBREAKING EXHAUSTING"!

HONESTLY! My whole body aches. I ache in places I never thought could hurt. Like for instance, the heels (the balls) of my feet - from propping them up in nursing position. Then there's the 'heels' of my palms - from God-only-knows-what. Oh and did I mention the two fingers on my left hand? Apparently, that one is from making sure my baby doesn't suffocate while nursing (go figure).

Motherhood is about THE GIVING OF SELF. All I have to do is hear her cry and I come running. So much so that I wouldn't be surprised if I hear her crying in public and start unbuttoning my top!

I can function on minimal sleep now or spastic sleep time. Everyone advises me to sleep while baby naps in the day time BUT hey, I need some me time too! I need entertainment too even if it's just FB. Even if it's just reading the newspapers! Even if I end up spending the whole solid 2 hours of surfing ridiculous things that pop into my head like "Why does my baby fart so much?" and "How do I know my baby loves me?". Absolutely necessary to prove to self that I still have some say in how I run my life (YA RIGHT!)

Because ironic as it seems, a baby can really just march into your life and simply take over your life! She can determine when you sleep, eat, heck even when you poop! Sometimes, when I force myself to stay awake too long in the day, baby knows it and decides mama must get some shut eye. So, she whines and cries, etc until I take her in my arms in sleeping position beside her and pretend that I am asleep as I rock her to sleep. Guess what happens. I rock myself to sleep too!

At the end of the day (i.e. around 6pm), she's the clean Princess and I'm a bloody, stinky mess! Because she's had her bath, her feed and her nap; all the while stretching and neighing like a little horse in her sleep (me thinks that's another one of her tactics to keep me near) while I stay on guard watching over her; bloodshot and exhausted cos I can't take a shower when she threatens to wake up now can I?

And don't even get me started on my romance/sex life. LOL. A baby just slips into the husband-wife relationship and decides to call the shots. I believe it's called the THIRD PARTY INVASION.

It's funny how she takes control and ownership of my time without doing much to hatch a plan. At the same time, it's also funny how the most basic things she does can put a smile on my face and make me happy. For instance, a burp makes me relief cos I know she won't spit up on me. A massive massacre of a poop makes me rejoice cos I know it signals bedtime. Seeing her get angry red blisters and nappy rash makes me worried so much so that I would willingly do anything, give anything if it means the rash would disappear immediately. And then I would determinedly apply nappy rash cream at every diaper change only to have her poop all over her little bum again immediately after applying the cream.

What made me very happy today was to see that the nappy rash had cleared. Gone away. Disappeared. My 'hardwork' and persistence had paid off! *Pat on the back* And on top of that, she drank 2 oz of milk; bottle fed today (she refuses bottle feeds up to now)! Oh bliss. God is listening!

My heart also expands in the mornings or afternoons (heck, whatever time of the day we decide to wake up) when she gives me that big toothless smile which she seemed to have reserved all night long just for me. ahhhhhhhhhh............

If it feels real, then it must be real, right? And so, this MUST be motherhood, right? Wake up and smell the poop Princess Running Water :)

???

2010-11-08T15:55:00.002+08:00

It's been so long now that I now stare blankly at this 'new post' page. And my blog stares back at me like 2 strangers. The prob is; ideas come bounding on what to write in my blog at something like 3.30am (after baby has been put to sleep) but then I debate on whether I should log on and blog at that God awful time or if I should put it off till morning. As usual, the latter wins hands down. And as usual, the bright idea disappears by the next time I log into my blog account!

Oh I miss blogging. I miss the flow of ideas. I miss just letting be and letting go.

Why did I bother writing this? Well, in the hope that it will bring back memories on 'how to blog' ideas onto e-screen. In the hope that after this I will have more? Does it work? Hmmm...beats me. I think in order to have ideas flowing, we gotta have lots of time. Free time to waste and not have a baby napping by my side who is such a light sleeper and keeps stretching and making noises in her sleep!

Who the hell coined the phrase 'sleeping like a baby'? Did he/she ever watch a baby sleep? Babies don't ever sleep soundly! Heck, it should be 'Sleeping like a teenager'!

My Birth Story

2010-10-05T19:28:00.010+08:00

It was 2 am - the last time I woke up for one of those 2 hourly urine sessions during my state of pregnancy. And then I went back to sleep.

It was 4 am - when I was dreaming that I was mopping my parents' house. It's a big single storey bungalow and I had just finished the front living room and was commencing on the back part of the house - the dining room.

But that was just a dream. Back to reality - I felt water gushing out of me. And it was strange because although I used to wake up 2 hourly to empty my bladder; I had NEVER wet the bed before. I knew something was off. I went to the toilet, sat on the commode and horror of horrors, there was blood. That really freaked me out cos from what I heard, there should not be blood if your water bag bursts. I was so very afraid that it was a miscarriage. Till this day I don't know how I would handle it if it was. I mean to carry your baby for 9 months and have a miscarriage? How can life possibly be normal ever again after that?

But I was calm. I knew God wouldn't do that to me. Not again after He had taken care of this baby so well through thick and thin. Oh yes, hurdles we certainly had a few. But with God's grace, overcome them all we did.

So I brushed my teeth and washed my face before waking up my husband saying, "Yang...I think it's time". To which hubby dearest in his groggy state of sleep replied, "Time for what?" :) =TIME FOR THE BABY=

That sure got him up and awake!

I waited for him to brush his teeth and wash his face and then we went to the dining room to have breakfast. Breakfast was Milo and 2 slices of bread. Then we calmly talked about when we should go to the hospital and decided to wait as it was only about 5 am and I wasn't in any pain. It was only then that I decided to wake my grandmother who in turn woke my mum who woke my dad up. Then hubby and I returned to the room, he decided to take a shower while I surfed the Internet looking for info on whether there is any blood if one's water bag bursts.

It was at 6 am that we decided to head for the hospital. Twas a lovely night with a full moon peeking out from amidst the clouds. And I was very calm, that much I remember.

When we got to the hospital, the usually bustling hospital was eerily silent and all the counters were closed. My husband and I made small talk as he wheeled me to the Emergency section in the hospital.

I was taken to the Maternity ward and upon checking, was told that I was already having contractions and my cervix was 5 cm dilated! It was amazing cos I did not know that I was having any contractions and to be 5 cm dilated without any pain....WOWZER!

Then hubby went to settle the admission and I was taken straight to LABOUR ROOM! ARRGH! Suddenly, everything was happening too fast, whirling out of control! Am I having the baby NOW???? But....but I'm not ready!!!

Thankfully, there was a god-sent nurse whose shift was ending but who was kind enough to console me by saying a prayer for baby and me. Best thing is she said I was COOL because God's work was already in me as I was hardly having any pain at 5 cm dilation! See? Even the nurse thinks I am one cool mama! :))

The good doctor came at about 8 ++ am to see me and decided to fully burst the water bag. It was then that the contractions ran havoc!!!!!! Unbearably HAVOC! He left and returned at about 10 am to begin the actual process of delivery. I was in so much pain that they gave me an injection which made me drowsy. BAD IDEA because I was so sleepy that I didn't/ couldn't push anymore. However, with strict prodding from a grumpy nurse and the doctor, push I did and baby Darla Anne Teh Dass was born at 10.39 am on 24 Sept 2010.

Birth weight: 2.7 kg (5.95 lbs)

Body length : 49 cm

Head circumference : 34 cm

Gynaecologist: Dr Jeevaretanam

Paediatrician: Dr Kannusamy

Hospital: Pantai Hospital, Klang

Mummy was warded on the 1st flr, bed A12

Thank you God for giving me the strength to be the vessel that brought your holy and anointed child into this world. Thank you God for giving me signs of your presence like the beautiful sunrise that I witnessed from the window in the labour room and for the presence of your angel; nurse Susan in my time of trial. Thank you God for my husband by my side, pressing me onward, holding my hand and empathising with me. Thank you God for the good and experienced team of nurses and doctors who were there to catch my baby as she made her grand entrance. Thank you God for family waiting outside of the labour room. Thank you for the labour process which was quick and painless in the first half. Most importantly, thank you God for my beautiful, precious little baby girl.

Baby's first few hours on Planet Earth.

My little angel is having her beauty sleep.

Remember to smile always Darla Anne!

We did it baby! We worked together and helped each other out! What a great team we make!

Beware: Elephant feet alert!

2010-10-05T17:42:00.005+08:00

The terribly swollen aching elephant feet during the last weeks of my pregnancy.

The ordinary feet that I miss so very much! It's nice to see all the familiar bluish veins once again!

I'm Addicted to Supper!!!!!!!

2010-09-23T00:27:00.004+08:00

I AM THE HUNGRY MONSTER!

I'm hungry every 2-3 hours!

I'm addicted to daily suppers> nasi lemak, roti pisang, loh bak, hokkien char, anything also can, bring it on, PLEASE!

In the beginning, life wasn't like that. Simply because I put a restraint on myself. Firstly, I didn't want to put on too much weight (cos I've been struggling with weight issues for as long as I can remember). Plus, I live in an apartment, so it's too much trouble to go down the flight of stairs, drive out the guard house (with access card, mind you) just to get food. So, I'll just deal with the hunger pangs, tell myself that it'll be a couple of hours til breakfast, try to fall asleep and ignore the tummy groaning.

It all started when the Doctor gave me the green light. The good Doctor was concerned cos I wasn't putting on weight and baby was a tad underweight as well. And boy, did that green light awaken the HUNGRY MONSTER in me! Especially since my darling hubby obliged in feeding me at late nights/ early mornings!

And now, I'm a hopeless supper junkie. So much so that I'd wake up with a headache (or migraine) in the middle of the night if I'm hungry...

Hunny, I miss you. You are my food provider! My tum~tum satisfier. Where for art thou, my love?

The Hopes And Fears Of All The Years; Are Met In Thee Tonight

2010-09-08T06:40:00.005+08:00

According to the pregnancy ticker, it'll only be 5 weeks and 4 days til baby's arrival. According to my gynae, it'll be no more than 2 weeks time cos baby has to be delivered via c-section. I think this clash of theory is what keeps me awake at nights and in the wee hours of mornings because either way (i.e. normal or c-section), I am petrified!

Don't get me wrong. I mean, I can't wait to hold baby in my arms but normal delivery is definitely going to be painful. Caesarean - I've kinda done it before but who says it's not painful? Just the thought of operating knives cutting through your 7 layers of skin and then doctor reaching IN ME to bring baby out is like a flash from a horror show!

So, tell me. How exactly does one sleep peacefully in moments like these?

Yet at the same time, a baby is all my hubby and I have been yearning for over the last couple of years to close the void in our 'family' life. And we have been so ecstatic, so glad to be finally blessed with the chance of having our own little family throughout the whole pregnancy - except how does one remain optimistic when in fear? At times I feel like screaming bloody murder because as much as we both desired this pregnancy, why do I have to be the one who has to go through the excruciating terror and pain of childbirth? How is that fair in this so called 'equal' world? At times like these, it seemed that the feminist revolution was merely a big hogwash. End of the day, I believe there isn't such a thing as equal status among men and women. Honestly, give me some loving and pampering any time of the day, smoochie.

But I digress. I suppose these feelings are nothing new and I guess every new mom has felt it as she inches closer to her delivery date, no?

Baby, just so you know>>>Your mum ain't as tough as she always thought she was! Nevertheless my child, I pray that you receive the gifts of faith, hope and love. I wish for you that you are compassionate to the less fortunate, that you are warm, understanding, helpful, diplomatic. But above all, I pray that you carry in you huge quantities of humility and use this humility whenever you come in contact with humanity.

It will only be a matter of time before you join your daddy and me here and begin your lifelong education as a human being.

Eagerly awaiting your arrival,

Mom & Dad.

Pregnancy ticker....

2010-08-28T12:58:00.010+08:00

We're all set for your arrival Princess! Your mom, dad and even your great-grandma went on a shopping spree for you yesterday. This is just one of the many adorable baby things waiting for you.

Things I miss in pregnancy:

1. Coffee

2. Kopi Peng Malaysian style

3. Sleeping on my tummy

4. Sex

5. Dressing up even if it's just in my old clothes

6. Wearing jeans!

7. Swimming

8. Holidays!

9. Pineapple and papaya

10. My pre-pregnancy body

11. Going for my regular facials, pedicure, eye-lash treatments

12. Stilettos

13. My energy!

14. Not sweating all the time!

Who's to be blamed? You tell me la!

2010-08-27T11:45:00.002+08:00

Tip: All fingers point to this dastardly so-called School Principal of Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Bukit Selambau, Kedah; Cikgu Puan Hajjah Siti.

In case you haven't heard the story yet, this so-called Principal made racial remarks in 'her' school telling off some students who were eating during the Muslim fasting month (outside the canteen) to be sensitive to the Muslim students or return to their country of origin -i.e. China / India. These people were born here. Their homeland IS Malaysia. She shouldn't be a Cikgu, much less a Principal!

This remark couldn't be made at a worst off time as Malaysia is about to celebrate her 53rd Independence Day in approximately a week's time. Indeed, it was untimely to stir up so much racial feelings as so much has been done this year to help implement the Prime Minister's vision of a 1 Malaysia concept - to which even a day was declared public holiday on 16 Sept, starting this year to recognise the birth of Malaysia and hence, a historical first time ever public holiday in lieu of Malaysia Day.

I, for one, surely was looking forward to the whole 1 Malaysia concept simply for the fact that I love my country. I truly do look forward to the day when the 'race' box will be eliminated from all official and unofficial forms which require applicants' particulars. One thing I can look up to Indonesia for is their combined identity where mostly all of them declare themselves as 'Indonesians' and truly communicate in the national language.

Sad (and shame) to say though, it seems that 1 Malaysia will remain a vision for a much longer time to come.

In conclusion, should action be taken against Namewee? I bet if it did, Malaysia would indeed run havoc. Pray tell, what action is to be taken against this Cikgu Puan Hajjah Siti for threatening the peace and harmony as well as race relations in the country? Isn't this a befitting case for ISA?

'THE' weekend getaway - Pantai Morib, Pantai Bagan Lalang & Pantai Kelanang

2010-08-25T18:44:00.002+08:00

Oh, I just HAD to do a write up on my wonderful, relaxing, chill-lax weekend getaway. It was the perfect escape from the usual, deep in the countryside and away from civilisation. Am grateful indeed that I have such a tolerant husband who really did try (and succeeded) in accommodating my every need. Ahhhhhh, bliss!

What with a little over a month left til our little newcomer makes her appearance in our lives, we decided to use the past weekend to our advantage and spend a one night away from the usual surroundings. So we took a drive headed towards Morib but seeing how Morib was no longer beach friendly, we asked around and ended up in Bagan Lalang. Oh, it really was a slice of heaven there. The beach was small-ish but suffice for what I needed - plus I managed to capture some pictures of the sunset. We got there J-I-T (Just In Time) for the sunset!!!

We had such a good sleep-in that night thanks to the air-conditioning which was superbly fixed to its minimum at 16 degree celcius - delicious! There was nothing on the tele so there was no reason to stay up late. All we did was talk about life and what we expect it to be, or rather, how we would handle it when baby made her debut. Then we cuddled throughout the night and set the alarm for 6.30 a.m. so that we could go for a nice, lazy stroll on the beach. However, at 6.30 a.m, we woke up to pitch darkness outdoors and it was impossible to even consider a walk on the beach! So, back to sleep it was for another hour before we arouse for breakfast. After breakfast, there was a drizzle, so still no walk on the beach, but more 'us' time in the deliciously, crisp air-cond room (I actually used this time to mark some writing papers!).

We finally dragged our lazy selves out of the room and drove to the beach. The tide was low so we waded pretty deep into the ocean - until a jelly fish literally bobbed pass my feet! Then we immediately turned around and walked back to shore and only then did we realise how DEEP we had waded in!

This is how deep we waded in...

One of the many tiny crabs scurrying across the shore...

Some strange form of sea life...

Okay now, to cut a long story short, I just had a really great time that weekend, just chill-laxing the kinks out of my pretty 'stressed-all-the-time' body. On the drive back, we had an awesome lunch at a local Chinese restaurant - steamed white rice with sizzling tofu (and lots of ingredients), sweet & sour 'ultra-fresh' fish and yummylicious pork ribs. I wish I had a snapshot of the food to post to the blog and salivate over. Oh well, too bad.... Well, we also made a couple of stops along the way to buy some recently plucked durians and rambutans which came directly from the fruit orchards behind the roadside stalls. Sadly, no photos of that, too. But, I have a feeling that I'll go back for more...

But I will not just leave you with words (I can do much better than that!) I'll leave you with two more pictures to rejuvenate your tired eyes and minds *wink*

This is a view of Pantai Kelanang...could it be paradise lost?

And here, is the final masterpiece for this blog entry>>>>>>>>>>drum roll............WATER LILIES!

Oh, and baby, here's proof that you really did come along on this AWESOME weekend holiday with your Mammi and Pappi! hehe....

Peace. OUT! :)

What do you do at 3.00 a.m.?

2010-08-15T04:28:00.003+08:00

So, tell me hmmmmm.....what do you do when you find yourself bright-eyed and ready to start the day at 3.00 a.m. (and you're not one to plop yourself in front of the TV and let it turn your brain to mush)?

Well, if you're anything like me, then, hmmmm, I went to the toilet! I considered brushing my teeth but decided not to just in case I went back to sleep and had to take the trouble of brushing it all over again when I re-wake up at 7.00 a.m. (it's a Sunday, mind you). So, like all normal people, I took a pee (and then some) LOL (info overload)!

Then, I decided that I wanted hot soup! So, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed as I was, I popped a packet of instant noodles (chicken soup flavour) into the ever faithful Sanyo microwave, worked the thing for 4 mins and got out the laptop. Once it was done, I added a dollop of Marmite (or Vegemite to some) into the hot soup! Voila, instant yummylicious soup I tell ya! To hit two birds with one stone, I paid some bills online at 3.45 a.m., too.

Now, for the big question>>>>>>>>SHOULD I WORK ON SOME WORK OR GO BACK TO BED ??????????

P/S: Can anyone enlighten me why is it that I can never wake up on a work day but am always up and awake on a non-working day?

PrincessRunningWater: The BIG Question has been answered. I visited other blogs and at 5.40 a.m. decided, "To hell with work. I'm going back to zzzzzzzzz"

Musings to Princess Tiger Lily

2010-08-13T16:58:00.002+08:00

A girl is graceful and pretty

A girl is all things nice.

A girl is sweet and gentle.

A girl is kind and witty.

A girl is sugar and spice-

A girl is someone with emotions.

She will be there when I need cheering,

She will be compassionate and loving.

To my little Tigress Princess,

I am choked with emotions just thinking of you as my baby. You are going to be my first-born. My eldest child. And my first-born is going to be a girl - a daughter; just as I, a daughter am the first-born, so too shall you be.

Cuddles from your Mum.

I have a dream

a child to hold

10 little fingers -

and 10 little toes

with dribble on her chin

and wrinkles on her face.

I have a dream

a child to learn

with knowledge to impart

and values to instil.

A sweet baby doll

with a punch and a gurgle

a tiny Tigress Princess

with a laugh and a growl.

My, my, my -

My little baby girl,

What are you doing now

As you tumble and toss in me?

My, my, my -

My little mini-me,

Are you thinking of your mummy,

like I'm thinking of you, too?

I just had to post this!!

2010-08-12T01:00:00.001+08:00

Random (poetry) during a so-called 'methodology and pedagogy training session' (i.e. just another name used by some publisher trying to sell language books).

HELP! The Attack of a Group Killer!!!!!

As I sit down in a seminar,

And waste my precious time,

I lose precious seconds of my life,

And my hair is turning white!

As I sit and listen to some geezer

Promoting a stupid book,

My mind slowly deteriorates

And my bum is turning numb!

Hey, Mister Smart guy,

Can you cut your story short?

Can you get to the chase

And remove all the gunk?

Hey, Mister 'emmmmm' guy,

You're droning on and on!

Can't you see you're putting us to sleep,

After lunch and in a nice, cool place?

Yoohoo, Mister Speaker,

What do you think is running through our minds?

Don't you see the boredom evident-

As we gaze blankly at your face?

Come on already Mister Mister!

Why are you trying so hard to kill us?

It's like you're holding a monologue,

And we're all well-behaved, attentive dogs!

Wow! After a 5 year hiatus!!!!

2010-08-12T00:40:00.001+08:00

I've been working for about 2 hours on this resurrected blog. Just trying to figure out the login ID and Password took some centuries! And that's just for the e-mail account I was using back when I started this blog in 2005! *PHEW*

Here are some major changes back from the past:

1) Hey. Whaddaya know? The Chief and I got married! Chief and Princess Running Water (a.k.a. Mr and Mrs Chief now) got married in a Catholic church (and that was 2 years back!)

2) After a couple of HUGE disappointments, we're finally preggers! EDD: 16 Oct 2010. Expecting a lil' Tigress Princess, so we're told :)

3) We live on our own in an apartment of our very own approx. 20 mins drive from both family homes.

4) I drive my dream car that can zap in and out (a MyVi; and Chief just got a Kembara 2 days ago). Yup, Perodua fans we both are :)

5) I completed my Diploma in Montessori Method of Education; so I can qualify to open my own Kindy/ Childcare if and when the whim strikes me now (I'm well-equipped with a back-up plan). To hell with Banking now! WOOHOO!

6) I've been in the same job for the past 1 year and 6 months (my second longest permanent job to date) and I'm currently doing a Certificate in iCELT (an equivalent of ESOL).

So, there. Can't think of more at 12:30 am. Prolly the best thing for this pregnant mommy to do is to hit the pillow, eh?

Definition of My Days

2005-08-17T15:44:00.000+08:00

Here goes some ramblings....

What’s to say about anything? Sometimes I feel like im 16 again and im not sure who I am as if my body is not mine but my mind is mine. And sometimes my heart too doesn’t feel like it is mine. Hah!

Relationships, work dramas… story of our lives… what’s to say I ask you? 1 day you're up there floating in the rltnshp, next mo, you get ur hot air balloon burst by an arrow shot off by some unknown sharpshooter out there to get at ya! Same goes with work. One day I think hey, I love it here, I can see myself for years here, doing the same thing and that perhaps this is more family than it gets. We spend 9 hours here, and in fact we're in closer 'physical presence' contact with them colleagues than we are with our own kin and kind! How many hours do we actually spend sitting close by our family members while at home? On our days off, we could be in our rooms (alone), wired to the net (alone), doing our chores (alone) or heavens out of the house (with our friends)! Heck, we sure need a social life right? Then the next mo I can feel ostracized by them very colleagues I'm in such close contact with but not really blame them cos I’m quite the serious loner as I’ve been all my uni days so can’t blame em for not quite knowing what to say to me also right?

But hey, at least right here and now, I do not think life sux anymore. I’m actually kinda soaking in the sucky feeling… inhaling it, feeling it perpetrate rite into my bones and evaporate into my blood BUT…from an outsider’s point of view. That's good ain't it?

I hate Tuesdays. Does anyone know just how much I hate Tuesdays? Mondays are ok cos it’s the 1st day of work after the weekend and love it or loathe it, we all need to work for our bread and butter right? Nowadays it's more like for our house loan, car loan, education loan, shopping, food, yadda,yadda..So Monday, we wake up, we get ready and we go to work and there’s A LOT of work normally so it goes by real fast. Then comes Tues, and hey, Mon’s gone so u gotta crawl thru Tues. Wednesday is pretty cool cos it marks MIDWEEK [i.e:1 more day to Fri]. I LOVE Fridays. Did I tell you I love Fridays? But Thurs, there’s another lousy day in a week! It’s like the anti-climax. Like here’s all that orgasm for Wednesday BCOS of Friday…BUT WAIT, there’s one more day to it! *SIGHHHH* so there’s the anti climatic Thursday for ya. And then finally its Friday [FINALLY!!!]

Hehehe…. so that’s the ups and down I go thru in my work week. Sat is real cool cos Sat is MY day! I try to spend the whole of Sat pampering myself simply cos it screams of MMMEEEEEEEEEE time My Sat starts with me waking at about 7.30/8am to practice on the organ, class is from 10 – 10.30am. Then take a lazy stroll alone in a supermarket/bookstore, whatever. Or go home, have lunch and laze by the TV, do my nails, get a facial once a month, nap, watch a VCD with my lil’ bro, you get the idea…..

And Sunday is usually family time unless Chief is off, then it’s a 50-50 between Chief and family.

So there’s my life in a nutshell. Anyone itching to analysis me?

Happy Birthday baby girl....

2005-08-07T02:46:00.000+08:00

Someone very close to my heart turned 18 today. Someone whom I grew up with and just recently, has decided to spread her wings and fly. It's strange to feel these emotions so strong for someone who I spend quite a lot of time arguing with. *Sigh* I guess this is 1/4 of what the 'empty nest' syndrome feels like for parents when their children start to spread their wings and test its strength.

It's funny how the only time we rush to get older is when we're in school. And then 7-8 years after school, during mamak sessions, we bring back the old "Remember how we used to .... " "Remember that girl/guy in tuition class.." "Remember that teacher we made her cry..." and of course it ends with *sigh* "Those were good times..." & "I wish I could go back to school days". I wish I could warn the current school batch to take 1 day at a time cos soon, b4 they know it, things would get so different. But just like us, they too wouldn't listen until it's too late.

Does God feel like that? Trying to advise us, warn us bcos he's wiser and knows better, but we refuse to take heed and instead thinks the advise is just to hinder us, restrict us?

Hell I miss school. I miss the times I had with this someone (who isn't a part of my school memories but a very big part of my past and of who I am). 'She' isn't dead. But here is one instance where if I could turn back time, I would do things differently. We were both growing. And the process made us grow apart.

I hope one day you will read this. I hope one day I will have the guts to ask you to read this. And I love u. And Happy 18th Birthday big gurl! May God Bless You with a strong conscience and the Holy Spirit to lead you onwards in all the paths and decisions you make.

I am W-O-M-A-N. Hear me ROARRRRR!!!!

2005-07-28T14:44:00.000+08:00

I read a book (and am still reading) titled Mirage by Soheir Kashoggi, about the different practices between how the Arabic world treated their women and how one woman's escape to America made all the difference.

Can you imagine living in an era where as a woman, you simply do not exist in your husband's eyes but to please him and fulfill his wants and needs? Living in the shadows in the same house among a separate world (a woman's world), not speaking unless spoken to, always looking downwards and heaven forbid! looking directly at a man's face. Can you live like that? Can you exist for no ulterior reason but to bring a son into the world? For when you bring his son into the world, you will be known for the rest of your life as Ali's mother (for instance)>>UMMI ALI. And your own name will cease to be for you will only be known as so-and-so's wife or so-and-so's mother. Imagine if you are a daughter... Your mother will never be known as YOUR mother but instead your BROTHER'S mother! And on top of all that, your dear husband whom you try so hard to please, can choose to marry another 3 wives.

Fast forward to this week, and I read an article in The Star that more and more Filipino husbands are volunteering to be HouseHusbands while the wife goes out to earn the bacon. And they do it willingly as their form of contribution to the household.[But then again, is our society open to this change or are these men simply lazy and do we, the women grumble and resign oursleves to being the breadwinner or do we accept this 'unnatural' shift in gender roles?

And if this is Philippines, imagine America!

So how do we bridge the two extremes? Apparently, in some small states/countries in the Middle East and Africa, the old world mentality still exists. Can you imagine yourself there?

It's hard to answer to that Question. Because as much as I can't imagine the late 70's, early 80's where Banks in Malaysia were still mostly without computers and depended on the paper related filing system, I however, do believe that women were gifted by that very extra bit of compassion which makes a woman the ultimate caregiver for the kids and the house and her man. I do believe that a woman, as vulnerable and sensitive as she may be, is also on the other hand the species furnished with extra 'care&concern' chromosomes.

And for this I am thankful. Because if not for the extra 'care&concern' genes, our sensitive&vulnerable side will rationalise that any guy courting us who doesn't buy us flowers, deserves to have the door shut in his face!

Obligation to Work...

2005-07-19T17:07:00.000+08:00

So 'cam' one must go to work... but do u know that the bible says humans must go to work?? aiyo... lagi 'die-die' lah... How to tell the Great Dude up there that we're (maybe, me only...) a bunch of lazy monkeys? I mean, you may secretly take time off from work and go kai-kai or take a smoke break or a 'surf the net' break or (God forbid!)a fabricated MC!! (eh, Boss, not me ok..I know some ppl do, but not me! never me!tsk,tsk...bad ppl!) Anyway, when the Boss pops over, u pretend to be hardworking right? Unless ur boss is as cool as mine... (not to say he's a bad boss, he's just real cool!! Hehe... I sit next to my boss (well, kinda) so at least if he reads this, he knows I mentioned him AND thinks he's COOL!! :) smart or not? But, and, and.... me oso quickly change the stuff on the screen when Boss looks my way wat... its called Guilt Conscience mah...

Anyway, yeah, so we all show the boss that we're hardworking.... only cos he's human, we can pretend to u know.... but now... now the Great Dude says we gotta work!!! Check 2 Thessalonians 3:6-15 (*gasp* a whole sub chapter complete with a title to it too!!!) So how lar? He (as the world presumes the Great Dude to be a He) supposedly sees all and hears all and heck, even knows all that we think before we even think it! Wei, I ask again... HOW LAR??

a baby's cries moulds the world

2005-06-28T16:53:00.000+08:00

I heard a baby cry a few days ago.

And now I can immediately visualised the sharp, shrieking sound.

And what comes to mind is that all babies cry alike, no matter black, white, yellow or brown.

Babies come into the world innocent.

Yet they grow amidst all sorts of messages pounded into their being, their conscience.

The fairer skin is better than the darker
The thinner child is better acknowledged than the plump one
The prettier, better looking one is given more attention to than the plain looking

And soon they learn that

The rich is better favoured to than the middle class income
The one who drives a car is better than the one who takes public transportation

And soon they lose all sense

Saving the environment by cycling a bicycle to short distances is a stupid
Mingling among the poor (and darker skinned) reduces one's status
Even one's faith in the Divine is questioned by external forces as one should have some faith but not too much as it can restrict one's growth in the material world
In that sense, profound religious beliefs also halters one's growth towards riches because 'How can you accept MODERATION and not work for more money?' and 'How can you friend all kin and kind and not care about yours and your parents' 'face'?'

Sigh.... and the baby's crying goes on.

And the baby's crying lingers on in my head, a long prolonging cry, pleading to the world to listen

Are you innocent of discrimination? Of chasing the materials in this world?

Or are you guilty of corrupting babies?

Here's What the Princess Looks Like

2005-06-24T13:00:00.000+08:00

Well, I bet the Blog would look way nicer with a caption of the chieftain herself wouldn't it? so fyi, this is what the Princess looks like.

Here sitting in all her splendour is Princess Running Water and behind her is the Red Indian chief whom she has claimed for her own. *che wah* wait til he sees this... yup that's the one man in my life. The Alpha and Omega. The person who made a difference for me and the one man who claimed me as his shawnee princess, accepted and beloved by his birth right clan, adored and loved by the most important man in the world. well, I ain't kidding. I take care of him, and he takes care of me. I'm his baby and his my Master... *cough, choke, ok, ok enough already!* too much info overload, so much so that I might be getting sick myself!

DISCLAIMER: CAUTION: ALL THOSE WHO GET WEAK IN THE STOMACH ON A DOLLOP OF MUSHINESS, HELL, I AIN'T TO BE HELD LIABLE OK! GO DO AN ENDOSCOPIC ON YOUR TUMMY, GO SEE UR PANEL DOCTOR! teeeheee....

Today I Almost Died.....Phew

2005-06-23T15:44:00.000+08:00

Hello all and yes I almost died...[aiya...not THAT type of die, die lar...CHOY so SUEY wan!!] can u imagine, I was itching to add a new blog but had heaps to do today and finally [FINALLY] had some time at around 3.20pm to toy around and the damn server thing said something about my office proxy blocking me from accessing this site!!!!!!!!!!

Hell I almost died!Me, the Princess... just 2 days old and I had to say good bye forever. Well, guess I could add entries at home during weekends...BUT the Blog thingy is what gave me hope and saved me from the routine of DEATH called work in the first place! and now they wanna keep me away? keep me off from the one indulgence I get 5 days a week????? Not suprisingly, tots of resigning the company ran thru my head liao....aiyo..

But thank GOD! I logged off and re-double clicked on the IE logo and waited, and waited, and waited some more for something [ANYTHING] to appear on my screen........ *cats & dogs 1*cats & dogs 2*cats & dogs 3*cats & dogs 4*, etc,etc,etc.....

And then GOD did take pity on me and VOILA! It appeared! I could get into my world and was blessed enough write my daily dose of crap!!AH...ALLELUIA!ALLELUIA!

AMEN.

PS: well if nothing else, at least the false alarm managed to get me to open my eyes real big, big [like teacup saucers from that story 'The Tinderbox']. And now, I'm not 'sweeepy' anymore... 2 hours and a bit more work till going home time.. *SIGH*
PPS:Thank you suanie, dannyfoo, jolene and raksha for dropping in, saying hi [dancing in the colors] and welcoming me. Your kindness does not go unnoticed. Next time bring a glass of milk and chocolate muffins ok!

Ahhhh... The Gr8 SHE has graced my humble webbie!!!

2005-06-22T16:09:00.000+08:00

I can’t believe she visited!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe she visited AND she left a comment!!!!
*all hail Her Royal Majesty Ms MINISHORTS of Malaysia!!!* [knee all! hail I tell you! HAIL!]

Well, to the uninitiated, Princess Running Water was born to the digital world only yesterday -21/june/05. And she attributed her royal birth to MINISHORTS for like many, she [the Princess, not the Majesty] was a virgin blogger until she stumbled onto minishorts interview in a certain M'sian daily and continued to further stumbled onto her webpage. And then stumbled on some more to Capt. Carcinogen & Belacans babies. ahhhh.... the rest HISTORY liau lar..... I GOT HOOKED! HOOKED I TELL YA!

So after my first posting, before I left the office, I emailed minishorts, explaining how she's my role idol, telling her to thank the Capt. and the Belacan dude for me, for she's my saviour who saved me from the boring, drudgery life of THE-ULTIMATE-SLOW-DEATH routine called WORK, blah, blah, blah, etc.....

Nuff' said... aiyo.... after my *water face* will drop lar like this... [for the uninitiated, water face = air muka lor! aiya, like dat also dunno ar?] tsk, tsk, tsk.... teeheee...

ANYWAYYYYYYYY........

I checked my webbie in the morning and there was nothing, zippo, nadda, zilch. So I figured, nyah… she’s a big short now [pun intended...mini shorts, big shorts....GEDDIT?aiyo...] cos got into Star 2 liau…. Won’t happen, she won’t grace my site.

But u know what? I checked at 4pm and there was 1 comment! Tot it was from Blogspot.com but looky-here!!!! Well, blimey! It was from the CREATOR herself!!!

Well, first off, thank you! Thank you! Thank you minishorts! This blogger’s spirit was going so dooowwnnnn wondering ‘how the heck to make my page beauuutifulllllll??’ and mainly ‘how to advertise to get traffic in?’ but then I saw ur grace *ahem* and I’m right on it again! Well, here I come!

Thanks again minishorts!
~Have a great day aight~

Woooohooo my 1ST Intellectual Property Baby!!!!

2005-06-21T16:12:00.000+08:00

Ah well, here's the start of a new dawn (the dawn of a new start?)...

WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO THE KINGDOM OF MOZART. WHERE THE WATER STILL RUNS IN STREAMS (crystal clear, with electric coloured fishes flashing their beautiful colours beneath the baby tides), AND THE WOODS IS BIG (with tree roots sprawling [crawling] all over the earth), THE LEAVES ARE ABUNDANT (and green) AND YET SUNLIGHT STILL GLIMPSES ITS WAY THROUGH THE RICH, THICK BEAUTIFUL FOLIAGE...
(although it is my birth, yet i don't expect the news to spread like a forest fire yet...)

Here, you can run thru the woods (be careful of the roots!) (or walk if you may) and catch flashes of innocent sunrays keeping you warmth and better yet watch sunbeams dancing on the many stream beds, personified with life by the 7 colours of the rainbow.

Here too lives a princess.. 'Maeva Ariki!' (long live the princess!)

Here is where the story begins. Here is where the popular saying ' The Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with a Single Step' originated from.

LONG LIVE THE PRINCESS. LONG LIVE PRINCESS RUNNING WATER.

The Secret Life of Princess Running Water

My *potential* future home

I'm 30 and I Know It.

Back To The Real World

options, choices, dilemmas

A Teacher I Must Be

The Grass is Always Greener...

First pondering post of 2011

A Day Well Spent

Random thoughts upon turning *tuttttt* :)

FULLY PAID 4 MONTHS LEAVE!

Cute pics

Success!

Establishing baby's bedtime

How Breastfeeding Benefits Add Up

How Breastfeeding Benefits Add Up

Motherhood = Breastfeeding?

Defining motherhood

???

My Birth Story

Beware: Elephant feet alert!

I'm Addicted to Supper!!!!!!!

The Hopes And Fears Of All The Years; Are Met In Thee Tonight

Pregnancy ticker....

Who's to be blamed? You tell me la!

'THE' weekend getaway - Pantai Morib, Pantai Bagan Lalang & Pantai Kelanang

What do you do at 3.00 a.m.?

Musings to Princess Tiger Lily

I just had to post this!!

Wow! After a 5 year hiatus!!!!

Definition of My Days

Happy Birthday baby girl....

I am W-O-M-A-N. Hear me ROARRRRR!!!!

Obligation to Work...

a baby's cries moulds the world

Here's What the Princess Looks Like

Today I Almost Died.....*Phew*

Ahhhh... The Gr8 SHE has graced my humble webbie!!!

Woooohooo my 1ST Intellectual Property Baby!!!!

My potential future home

Random thoughts upon turning tuttttt :)

Today I Almost Died.....Phew